Virtual Reality

I found a job! And I was hired!

The job market stinks so I accepted a job as a virtual assistant. Yes, I researched everything first and no, I wasn't required to give out banking information. I had no reason to suspect anything was amiss. I agreed to an exclusive signing with their agency in exchange for a signing bonus along with their standard equipment bonus. I signed the papers and had my check in hand on March 31st.

Yesterday I headed out to get the equipment I needed, but first I had to deposit the check. The check was drawn on B of A, where I also have an account, so I didn't think there would be any problems. The teller let me know that there would be no hold placed on the check and funds would be available immediately.

I left and headed off to shop! While shopping I got a call from the bank manager informing me 'the bank is unable to negotiate the check at this time', which didn't mean anything to me until she continued. The check is fraudulent. For a minute I thought it was an April Fool's joke. But no, the joke was on me. I was stunned momentarily and left the cart where it stood and walked outside. Took a breath and drove home.

I took a job as a virtual assistant. I just didn't know it came with a virtual paycheck. The contract requires that I provide notice and agree to an exit interview should I decide to terminate my association. I think I virtually resigned when the virtual paycheck was virtually gone. They can virtually sue me.

Scotty said only I could make $5000 and lose it in the same day. Yep, it could only happen to me and it virtually does.

My life as a Borg

In a past life I worked for a company that seemed to operate under the mistaken impression that employees were automatons. Looking back the atmosphere seemed more like the Borg collective than an office. Resistance was futile.

This particular collective was more insidious than most. Once they got you in they gave you warm and fuzzies for a few days. But little by little the warm fuzzies were replaced by the cold furies. Mistakes were not tolerated. Conversation was to be avoided. Certain people were off-limits. Circus performances were a daily requirement.

For me the daily grind became a walk of the tightrope while twirling fire batons. Apparently someone mistook my grimace of concentration for the insidious emotion of joy. One afternoon I was called to the Borg-King's office. I was informed that the King himself had performed these functions for many a year and never, in all that time, had he found anything humorous about the work we did. I was now forbidden to smile, laugh, or emote joy. Seriously, was this for real? I started to smile and was met by a look that froze me in a way that only my mother had managed.

I shared this new edict with others of my kind. Disbelief stunned them into silence. We managed to find a way to express our humor, careful to conceal it from the Borg-Kings and Queen. But alas we were not successful and one glorious morning we were dis-similated. I was stunned and sad. Looking back it was a toxic atmosphere, but at the time I was too busy jumping through hoops to notice.

For now I'm still working on laughing without first looking around to see who's watching, while I look for a more humane collective to join.