A love letter to my Son

 Dear JohnMichael,

It's finally here. It's the 25th anniversary of your arrival on the planet. I now feel like I can exhale the breath I've been holding since you were born. It sounds strange now, but I never imagined you'd be here to celebrate this day. That's something we've talked about before. I can honestly say that I am delighted that you are here to celebrate your quarter-century birthday.

I am proud of you. I am proud of the man you are becoming. You've never disappointed me, never let me down, and never been anything less than perfection. You're not perfect, and I do not expect you to be. When I say that you are perfection, it is to say that you are exactly who you are–no apologies, no regrets. That is perfection, and it is all I ever hoped for you. That doesn't mean I always agree with your choices or behaviors, but I love you despite them. No matter how tense things get or how much we butt heads, you are and will always be my favorite human.

I know it hasn't always been easy for you. Sometimes it's because of circumstances, and sometimes it's my fault, and sometimes yours. I hope that as you get older and reflect, you will discover more good times than bad, more laughter than tears, and more love than sadness. I want you to know that you will always have my support as you forge your own path. And, if you have to make course corrections or changes, you have my support then too. You have the strength and determination to accomplish all you want to do.

I've been watching you chase your passion for a few years now, and you never fail to surprise me. The determination, courage, persistence, and sheer tenacity with which you pursue the jiu-jitsu lifestyle is inspirational. This year, I've seen you make decisions to do what you need to do now to do what you want later. I hope you understand how much pride and delight that brings me. You have the wisdom and willingness to make difficult decisions and sacrifices.

Like all the others before it and all the ones still to come, my birthday wish for you is that your life is everything you want it to be. I wish you love, happiness, and an infinite supply of laughter. I wish for you a tribe - no matter how scattered or dissimilar they are — a tribe of people who will celebrate you, support you, and encourage you no matter how crazy your dream, scheme, or plan may seem.

As you continue to follow your passion, your life will lead you on new adventures to new places. I hope you know that I am cheering you on wherever you are. And I hope you remember that wherever I am, I love you to the universe and back. No matter what.

Happy 25th Birthday, Mikey!

Love, Mom

Have thoughts. Need change.

There have been over 200 mass shootings in under 200 days this year. The most recent terrible massacre occurred in Uvalde, Texas. Victims include not just those who were killed, but also their families, friends, neighbors, future friends, relatives, and loved ones. This incident, along with others in the past, will be remembered by all of us. At least they should be.

But let's be truthful. Because of the following phrase, I have lost friends. I own a firearm. There, I wrote it. I own a firearm. I've been around firearms and fired guns for fun since I was a kid. I acquired my first gun in California, which had some of the strictest buying regulations.  I have a permit to carry a firearm. I raised my child with firearms. He's been shooting since he was five years old.  Our firearms have always been secured in a safe, except for the home defense weapon. My kid never played with them, never told his friends about them, and never took them to school. They were not toys. They were handled safely, always with adult supervision, and never without respect for the life a stray bullet could end. He now has his own firearms. Our firearms have never been used to commit a crime. We consider ourselves to be responsible gun owners. We aren't unique, there are thousands of responsible gun owners in this country. But we know that not every gun owner is responsible - we only need to look at how many kids have been killed by gunfire. And yes,  I am aware that statistics can be manipulated to tell many versions of the same story. But this story, no matter which statistics you use always seems to end with dead kids.

I do not endorse the NRA and am not a member of the organization. I don't believe in their mission.   To a point, I believe in the Second Amendment. I support prudent gun reform. I support universal background checks. I feel that gaps in gun licensing regulations should be closed. I do not think that every manufactured weapon should be in the hands of any civilian.

This nation has a firearms issue. It is much too simple for unstable and unqualified people to get firearms, particularly high-powered, semi-automatic, military-style weapons. I'm going to be chastised for this, but no regular citizen needs an AR-15. Not a single one. The NRA and some hunters will argue you that these high-powered semi-automatic guns and high-powered ammo are necessary. They are not. People have been hunting in this country since we settled here (yes, we stole the land, but that's another argument). The weapons used back then are still among the finest available today. Some of the greatest hunting rifles were lever or bolt action!

Our gun laws must be changed. I won't pretend to know what it should look like, but we need restrictions on what types of weapons are sold and to whom, qualifications for what you can buy and proof of competency, and universal background checks regardless of state (see if you can figure out how NICS works), and coordinated federal licensing. Because I am unable to get a license to carry or buy a handgun in my home state, I should not be able to obtain a permit as a non-resident of another state. Utah granted 424,531 non-resident licenses as of 2021, trailed by Florida (221,440), Maine (14,628), New Hampshire (28,408), and Virginia (42,924). This is in addition to the 20 states where "open" or "constitutional carry" is authorized. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

To be sure, there is a mental health component to this problem. But, I feel, some of it is due to society's apathy about the problem. It's nothing new to us. But, for those of us who are outraged and heartbroken, the same legislators are re-elected every election cycle. I do not believe that all individuals should be prohibited from possessing firearms. However, I believe that certain firearms should be prohibited. I feel that the rights of our children to have a fighting chance in school take priority over the rights of 18-year-olds to purchase an AR15.

As I have said, I have lost friends as a result of this dispute. I'm sure I'll lose more. But I don't think my recreational use of weapons prevents me from being grieved by senseless murder. That's like saying I can't be grieved by loss in vehicle or motorcycle accidents because I drive a car or ride a motorcycle. I'm willing to have a courteous conversation about it, or you may unfriend me and return to your regularly scheduled programming. I think we can strike a balance; I hope we can because otherwise, we are continuing to fail our children.

Our elected leaders' thoughts and prayers are physically murdering our country's youngsters. Have thoughts, need change.