What Did I Get Myself Into?

For years I've been kicking around the idea of going back to school to get my degree.  Every time I'd think about it LIFE would rear it's beautifully ugly head and give me thousands of reasons not to head down the road.  

Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish now that I had been able to manage a full-time job and full-time education right after high school.  At the time I made the decision best for me. And then one day I looked up and it had been decades since graduation and I began having small feelings of regret about not getting my degree.

A couple of months ago a very dear friend sent me an email containing one sentence and a link.  The sentence was, "When you are ready."  The link was to FAFSA.gov.  It took me weeks, but after many prayers and deep breaths I clicked on the link, completed the application and was stunned to find out I qualified for financial aid.  Good thing too, because without financial aid there was no school in my future.

After a few false starts I found the right online college for me.  I completed paperwork, I waited, I completed more paperwork, I waited.  Several weeks later I got the letter I had been waiting for.  I had been accepted to college 29 years after I graduated high school!  I think I was more thrilled than any graduating senior getting their first choice acceptance.  I posted a quick note on Facebook, which apparently elicited a whoop of excitement from my son in the middle of his geometry class (yeah, that's another blog).

As excited as I've been once I got my first look at the syllabus for the first class I alternated between apprehension and abject terror.  A paper due in the first week.  Assignments due on Day 1.  A ton of weekly reading. A separate book to read. A final paper due at the end of the class.  As I sat stewing myself into a frenzy it was the encouraging words of friends, some from high school and other from more recent life, as well as words from my son that kept the terror at bay.  Everyone was encouraging, full of reminders about what I've already accomplished and reassurances that I could, in fact, do what I'd set out to do.  When my Mom told me she was proud of me, we both teared up.  Suddenly I knew I was capable of accomplishing my goal.

And yet, as I sit here on Day 1 of class looking at all I need to accomplish this week, I can't help but wonder... "What exactly did I get myself into?"