I never thought my expectations for my son's academic performance were out of line. Apparently, I was wrong.
Recently my husband came home, grabbed an envelope off the table and began reviewing our son's state required test scores. They were scores any parent and student would be proud of, but our son wasn't proud. He felt as though he failed and let us down in the process. No matter how quietly or loudly we praised his accomplishment he kept saying he failed (using a variety of teen angst-filled phrases, of course).
I finally cracked through the wall of negativity by pointing out that I've never seen him study or do much homework. Then I said to him, "Look at your scores without studying, can you imagine what they'd be if you actually cracked a book?" He laughed and the tension dissipated, but it left me wondering...
Are our expectations too high? Have we set an impossible standard?
This morning I reflected on the conversation. Then I did what I do best. I called a friend. Then I called my mom. Of course, I got two differing opinions. One says I'm too hard and my expectations are too high, the other says that my expectations are are justified and based solely on his abilities. So now what?
It's tough having a gifted child. It's even tougher being a gifted child. I've stood on both sides of the fence and now I understand how my mom must have felt when I put her through the same angst. After much soul-searching and conversation, I think I finally have the words that will hopefully ease the burden of high expectations:
Excellence does not mean perfection.
I expect my son to perform at his best level. I expect excellence from him because he is clearly capable of just that. I do not expect perfection.
I find perfection in his ability to make me laugh. It's in the way he tells me he loves me at just the right moment. It's in his eyes, the exact same shade as mine, every time he smiles. I find perfection in the simple fact that my son exists.
Recently my husband came home, grabbed an envelope off the table and began reviewing our son's state required test scores. They were scores any parent and student would be proud of, but our son wasn't proud. He felt as though he failed and let us down in the process. No matter how quietly or loudly we praised his accomplishment he kept saying he failed (using a variety of teen angst-filled phrases, of course).
I finally cracked through the wall of negativity by pointing out that I've never seen him study or do much homework. Then I said to him, "Look at your scores without studying, can you imagine what they'd be if you actually cracked a book?" He laughed and the tension dissipated, but it left me wondering...
Are our expectations too high? Have we set an impossible standard?
This morning I reflected on the conversation. Then I did what I do best. I called a friend. Then I called my mom. Of course, I got two differing opinions. One says I'm too hard and my expectations are too high, the other says that my expectations are are justified and based solely on his abilities. So now what?
It's tough having a gifted child. It's even tougher being a gifted child. I've stood on both sides of the fence and now I understand how my mom must have felt when I put her through the same angst. After much soul-searching and conversation, I think I finally have the words that will hopefully ease the burden of high expectations:
Excellence does not mean perfection.
I expect my son to perform at his best level. I expect excellence from him because he is clearly capable of just that. I do not expect perfection.
I find perfection in his ability to make me laugh. It's in the way he tells me he loves me at just the right moment. It's in his eyes, the exact same shade as mine, every time he smiles. I find perfection in the simple fact that my son exists.
My son is not a perfect person, but to me, he is absolute perfection. And that is most excellent.
